


Bigger Things

by Woollycas



Series: Season 15 codas [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coda, Episode Tag, Episode: s15e15 Gimme Shelter, Feelings, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e15 Gimme Shelter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:47:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27071482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woollycas/pseuds/Woollycas
Summary: Episode coda for 15x15. This picks up right where the episode ends.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Season 15 codas [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1516373
Comments: 13
Kudos: 69





	Bigger Things

"Dean, in case something goes wrong, and I don't make it back, there's something you and Sam need to know."

Dean stares at Cas, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Jack's deal with Death, it…it will kill him. I have to find a way to stop it. I can't watch him die again." Cas huffs out a breath at that statement, and turns to walk away from Dean.

Dean grabs Cas's shoulder though, holding him in place. Dean's mind is racing at Cas's admission, and he can't let him leave without more information.

_If I don't make it back._

"Hey, hey, slow down. What do you mean?" Dean can feel his anger rising, and swallows to calm himself. He tastes the bitter sting of whiskey, still fresh in his mouth. Cas can't walk out again. He didn't even try to find Dean before deciding to take off on this new mission. "You're not going anywhere until we talk about this."

"Dean, I don't have time. Jack, he's, well, he's a bomb for Death. When he kills Chuck and Amara, he also will die. If you and Sam are set on killing Chuck, then I need to find another way to save Jack." He stares at Dean, his jaw set and his eyes flare a brighter than normal blue.

"Okay, let's just take a breath here for a second." He turns Cas completely to face him, gripping his other shoulder in the process. "We'll figure this out."

_If I don't make it back._

Dean doesn't know what that means. Jack and Billie's plan is their only option to stop Chuck. His mind races with half-thoughts and malformed ideas on how to keep Cas in the bunker, and keep Cas safe with him. His mind draws a blank on anything concrete, and he digs his fingers into Cas's trench coat, physically willing him to stay.

Cas's hard glare softens, and he reaches out to cup Dean's face. He draws closer to Dean, their foreheads almost touching.

"I always wondered if we'd ever have a chance for more than this --this constant dance around each other." Cas says it quietly, almost to himself.

Dean takes a deep breath. It's not enough. It's not nearly enough to stop the fire that's raging in his mind. He hears the echo of Amara's words, and then it's like a starlight explosion filling his head. The sparks burn bright and and quickly wisp away to nothing. He closes his eyes, his head still swirling. He feels Cas's warm hand pull away, and he opens his eyes again. Cas steps back from his reach.

"I have to go, Dean. I know your mission, and now you know mine."

"Stop. Damnit, Cas. Wait. Can I explain something to you? I just need to make something clear to you, and then...then you can go, if you want."

Cas nods his head, and Dean exhales, licking his lips before trying to gather his thoughts. He gets it. He's been on a never-ending path of destruction his whole life. Since he was young, he's been angry --at his father, his mother, Sam, Cas, all the evil in the world, and now Jack --but mostly Chuck.

He needs to let it all go. Chuck is going to keep doing his thing, but if there's a path to a better life and a better world, he needs to let the past go. His anger is the first step.

"You said you heard me in Purgatory. I have this anger, and it's always been there. I keep blaming others for it, but it's inside me. Chuck's actions might have caused it, but I...I see that it's my choice to let it go."

"Dean." Cas’s voice is questioning, and he steps closer to Dean again.

"Jack's just a kid. Yeah, he's a kid with powers no one can begin to understand, but he doesn't deserve this fate. You're right to find a way to save him. Maybe this path of vengeance is the wrong way."

Cas pulls Dean into a loose hug then, and Dean willingly sags into Cas's arms. He rests his head on his shoulder and takes a few deep breaths to steady himself.

"I haven't been honest with myself --and I haven't been honest with you," he murmurs into Cas's neck.

His cheeks fill with red at the embarrassment and shame of his next thoughts, and he fights against it. He pulls his head up and cups Cas's cheek with his hands, and looks at him directly. "I want you, Cas. I want you by my side, always. I lo---," but his voice breaks, and his throat closes.

He thinks the words though.

He thinks them at Cas.

_I love you._

Too little, too late. He needs to let Cas go. There are bigger things to worry about after all. Without thinking, he kisses Cas. It's modest, but his mouth is open enough for his tongue to lightly graze Cas's lower lip, tasting him. Cas kisses him back, tentatively. It startles Dean and he pulls back, instinctively wiping at his mouth.

"I'm sorry I --"

"You love me?"

They say the words simultaneously.

Dean pauses, and simply adds, "Yeah."

Cas smiles slightly, and rests his hand over Dean's heart. It's beating like a jackhammer and Dean wants to squirm away from the touch, but stays still.

"I think you know I've always enjoyed our time together, Dean. You have helped me change and grow in ways that I will marvel at for the rest of my days. I know this was a big step for you."

He slowly moves his hand from Dean's chest and snakes it around his neck and stares at Dean for a bit. Dean freezes and stares back.

"Come with me. Help me save Jack. We'll find a way to stop Chuck, but not with Billie's plan. Be by my side, Dean. "

His request melts Dean. They've got bigger things to worry about, but nothing feels bigger than this moment.

"I love you, Cas."

"I know. I just heard your thoughts."

"I needed --wanted-- you to hear them out loud." Dean smiles shyly, and wonders if this sudden feeling of lightness will last.

"Thank you, Dean." Cas smiles warmly. Dean realizes that they're staring again.

He clears his throat and takes a step back, purposefully. "Let me change and grab my stuff."

"Of course, Dean."

There's so much more to say, and do, but Dean thinks it can wait for a bit. Letting go and being with Cas is just the start of bigger things ahead.

**Author's Note:**

> I love angst and I love clowning. :)


End file.
